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Guys under pressure

What if she’s coming on strong?

Guys can be pressured into going too far, or even having sex, when they are not ready. And doing something you don’t want to do hurts guys just as much as it hurts girls.

Some girls come on strong. Others just don’t say no - so you don’t know how far to go. Some boys will welcome this attention. Some will not.

Many guys are having sex because they feel pressure from girls, from their friends and from themselves. Many guys are likely to find themselves the object of strong sexual attention - it may be from a young or woman, or from an older woman.

Not wanting to is a perfectly OK reason to turn down sexual activity. NO is always an acceptable answer, no matter what the reason.

Strategy 1: Make up a reason.

If you can’t say no directly, it’s okay to use a white lie. Here are some good ones: I need to go now. My dad will go crazy if I’m not home in 10 minutes / I am not feeling well / I need to get up early to train / It is against my beliefs.

Strategy 2: Be kind.

If a young woman is making heavy moves on you, she might be doing it to impress you. Kindly but firmly explain that you are not going to go too far. If it’s someone older than you, tell them directly but clearly that you are not keen.

Strategy 3: Recognise sexual aggression and pressure.

It’s a good idea to spot it before you are in an awkward situation. Nip it in the bud. Does she send you overly suggestive texts or Snapchats? Does she always go a bit too far? It is best to speak up early.

Strategy 4: Work out when IS a good time to have sex?

Good reasons to have sex include being in a committed relationship, when both of you agree that you want to have sex and that you are ready. Good reasons do not include because she wanted to or because your friend did it or ‘everyone will laugh at me if they find out I said no’.

Nobody should go too far, or have sex because they feel like that’s what’s expected of them. It is always okay to say no.


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